Laws of the Fanfic Universe
by serialhugger
Summary: A continuation of From the Floppy Called Subversive. Another spoof of Mary Sue's and other fandom quirks [OOCness, AUishness, incorrect spelling of names, etc. Written to overocme writers block].
1. Prologue: In Which Mary Sue Returns to t

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro. If you have any information on how she can achieve that goal (short of torturing Kishimoto-sama into submission) please let us know!

**Dedication:** This fic is for Dead Uchiha, and BlackMage13. The American and the Aussie who inspired the continuation of Mary-Sue and her evil ways. So I suppose this means that you can blame them! HAHAHAHA!

**Summary:** A continuation of serialhugger's spoof of Mary-Sue's and fandom quirks. Includes incorrect spelling of names, etc., OOC-ness, AU-ishness, and other such trademarks of bad fiction. Read _From the Floppy Called Subversive_ first, to get some of the jokes used in this one.

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_**The Prologue; In which Mary-Sue Returns To The Scene Of The Crime**_

A loud peal of laughter could be heard reverberating throughout the Naruto-verse. The expression of amusement, however, was not of the usual kind. In fact, it was a cackle. A wicked sound that struck fear into the hearts of all that heard it. It was the same evil maniacal chortle that had been heard in the Naruto-verse a time not too long ago.

Yes. Mary-Sue was back.

Some of you readers might be wondering how the deranged character had escaped her confinement Well that, my friends, is decidedly simple. As you well know from reading the first tale in this trilogy that Mary-Sue had been confined to the deepest, darkest recesses of Smurf's mind, where only her irrational fears of smooth peanut butter and boy bands dared to reside.

Giving a vengeful Mary-Sue access to ones greatest fears is never an intelligent thing to do, and Smurf would have realized this, had she not been mentally exhausted after the war with her muses, and the resulting E.M.S.S. activities that had followed.

However, since Mary-Sue had not been locked away in a solitary cell (Ha! Bad pun!), so to speak, she had managed to use her fellow inmates to distract the rather quirky authoress and thusly escape.

What exactly happened to the Smurf you might ask?

She was found two days after the escape cowering in a grocery store, mumbling incoherently about muzak renditions of pop songs, shying away from the peanut butter aisle, rocking back and forth, and holding a bag of double stuffed Oreos as if it was some sort of a lifeline.

Unfortunately, this had given Mary-Sue enough time to gain an impressive head start and work out a list of possible targets worthy of her attentions as a top agent of the E.M.S.S.

And thusly, Mary-Sue's second reign of terror had begun.

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**Here ends the Prologue**.

Reviews would be appreciated, flames will be used to toast marshmallows and make s'mores.

_Hugs!  
Smurf._


	2. Chapter 1: In Which Mary Sue Learns the

**Title:** _Laws Of The Fan-Fic Universe_

**Author/ess: **Smurf

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize, so don't sue us.

**Dedication:** This chapter is for Dead Uchiha, because she worships me with fics of an odd nature, and oreos! LOL.

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_**Chapter One; In Which Mary-Sue Learns The Merit Of Foxes**_

It had been exactly two days, six hours fourteen minutes, and fifty-seven seconds since Mary-Sue had escaped the confines of Smurf's mind for the second time, and she had used her time well. The out of control female had retaken possession of her former centrally located home, made a list of all E.M.S.S. acceptable targets, and she had even come up with a plan on how to achieve her goal of wining herself a Naruto-verse type boy toy. Now all that there was left to do, was to set said plan into action.

Operation Get Naruto (granted the name lacked both originality, and imagination) was underway.

Now many of you must be wondering why Mary-Sue would target Naruto, especially since she had the opportunity to do so in From the Floppy Called Subversive, yet chose not to take it. And, perhaps, it would be best if we were to clear that up right now, though some of you may be even further confused by the answer.

During her first voyage into the fanfic universe, Mary-Sue had been working under certain guidelines in the E.M.S.S. handbook. These guidelines were loose at best, and open to interpretation, but still Mary-Sue, being the diligent Mary-Sue that she was, followed them. It had come down to a choice between Sasuke and Naruto, and due to Sasuke's heartthrob status, he had trumped Naruto- even though the blond was the title character.

Mary-Sue, however, had since come across some very interesting information whilst sifting through the stack of books she had procured from the Konoha Used Bookstore (which for those of you who want to know, is located directly next door to the shop where Hatake Kakashi buys his porn.). She had unearthed a text about foxes, and not just any old foxes, but demon foxes. She had been so shocked by what she had read that she had to reread it not once, not twice but thrice! Mary-Sue, the daughter of Sugar-rush and Insomnia, had discovered that demons of the Kitsune variety were veritable sex gods… so to speak.

Yes indeed, that used bookstore had proven once again to be a valuable source of information. She really would have to remember recommending it to other Mary-Sue's in the area. Jotting down a note to do so in her handy E.M.S.S. day planer, Mary-Sue headed off in search of her prey.

Elsewhere Umeko- another of Mary-Sue's sisters, who just so happened to reside in the Naruto-verse- had been called in from the other serialhugger fic, A Misunderstanding Of The Feet, in order to halt any Mary-Sue activities in the fandom until Smurf could either talk Jamesie into reentering the Naruto-verse, or she could come up with some sort of other arrangement. Umeko being the proud Original Character that she was- and a Chuunin of Suna to boot- had of course agreed. Besides, being in Konoha meant being far away from Gaara, which meant she would have a far better success rate with her avoid-the-Kazekage-as-much-as-possible plan than she would have had otherwise.

And thusly the Mary-Sue resistance gained a member, and was one step closer to tracking down the dark haired beauty.

While Umeko was busy figuring out how to get time off without asking- and therefore coming into contact with- Gaara, Mary-Sue was well on her way to making Naruto her own personal plaything.

Poor, poor Naruto-kun; bet he never saw it coming.

The plan was simple. Mary-Sue would take advantage of the Kyuubi container's loneliness. It wouldn't be that difficult. After all, Sasuke was no longer his snuggle bunny, so he was no doubt feeling more than just a little abandoned. She also took into account the fact that it was Valentine's day, the most horribly depressing holiday in existence for those who didn't have, or whom had lost their loved ones. As a matter of fact that was what she had built her whole plan around.

The holiday is almost enough to make a person want to slash their wrists at times.

The equation was easy enough to understand: Valentines Day + Naruto – Sasuke all equals a very vulnerable blonde title character, easily susceptible to all sorts of E.M.S.S. tricks.

It was nearing sunset when Naruto and Mary-Sue crossed paths, both of them wearing forlorn expression, and sighing heavily at appropriate intervals. After a few minutes of silence, and sighing, Naruto became aware of the fact that someone else was in fact sitting atop the Hokage Monument along side him.

Mary-Sue knew what would happen next; Naruto would take one look at her tear streaked face, and being the type of person he was, he would, of course, ask her what was wrong. She would say, "Nothing," in a quavering voice that would seem to suggest the opposite. Naruto would give her a questioning look, and then she would burst out the water works and relate to him a story of losing someone in a way that would parallel his own loss of Sasuke. As the sun finished setting, the two would share a hug, and they would naturally be there to comfort one another, and given the right E.M.S.S. created situation, fall madly in love, therefore allowing Mary-Sue to claim the Kyuubi and its host as her own.

Ah, yes, our devious little Mary-Sue had the perfect plan.

Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, Umeko had arrived just in the nick of time, after finally gathering the courage to ask for a short leave of absence; that is to say, she had left a little note tacked to the door of the Kazekage's office explaining the situation, and where she would be.

Upon her arrival she had run into none other than the authoress of this particular fic, who just so happened to have a vial of veritas serum from the Harry Potter fandom, where she was also working on a nice little trilogy. She had explained how to use it, and what its properties were, and then left in a puff of smoke not unlike the Naruto-verse natives (she had always wanted to try that).

Umeko was now waiting to see if the strange liquid would work. She had managed to slip some into Mary-Sue's tall vanilla frappichino- without her dark haired sibling noticing- while she had been walking up to the monument some twelve minutes ago.

Mary-Sue had finally heard the question she had been waiting for since she had arrived in the Naruto-verse a little over two and a half days ago. The Kyuubi container had said those two magical little words that were the catalyst for her claiming him and his inner demon for all eternity; he had asked, "What's wrong?"

Inwardly doing a little victory dance, Mary-Sue opened her mouth to reply; however things didn't go according to plan. Once she began to speak, she couldn't stop, and she related her entire plan to him, including how she had intended on keeping him forever and always as E.M.S.S. property.

For a minute all they could do was stare at one another, both wide eyed, Naruto with his mouth slightly agape in surprise, and Mary-Sue with her hand clamped tightly over her mouth in absolute horror at what she had let slip. Finally, Naruto blinked, once, twice, three times, before standing up, and rushing away as fast as he could in the direction of… well, where ever it is that obviously freaked out Kyuubi containers rush off to.

Umeko looked at the vial she held in her hand, and a wicked smirk played across her lips. Back in Suna there was an OC Jounin, with a scar bisecting his eyebrow that she could clearly see herself using the remaining liquid on. Maybe then she could find out if it really was him who had pilfered her lucky underwear. Chuckling, she made her way back to Suna; after all, her part of the deal was done.

It was thusly that Mary-Sue was thwarted in her attempts to possess the Kyuubi and its blond host. But that wouldn't stop her. No. Mary-Sue was determined to get herself a Naruto-verse boy toy, even if she had to go through everyone on her list!

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**Here ends chapter one.**

I hope you enjoyed it, and look! It was ready before Valentines Day! I deserve a cookie! Oreo's are always accepted.

Reviews would be appreciated, so make with the clicky-clicky!

_Hugs!  
Smurf._


	3. Chapter 2: In Which Chapter 287 Gets Bas

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize.

**Dedication:**BlackMageRose13-because I got your penname wrong, and I am soo sorry! And again Dead Uchiha who gave me themost SQUEE valentines giftie ever!

**Note: **Contains spoilers of a sort I suppose... I mean I did bastardize chapter 287... so umm yeah...

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**Chapter Two; In Which Chapter 287 Gets Bastardized**

It was a beautiful day in the Naruto-verse, and everything was as it should be. The sun was shining, birds were singing, children were throwing sharp objects at one another. Nothing could ruin this perfect day in Konoha; even our favorite escaped Mary-Sue couldn't think of a way to bugger up the fandom, and she was trying really, really, really hard.

She had gone over her list of eligible Konoha shinobi- she had compiled said list during her last escapade in the Naruto-verse- only to be disappointed. She still didn't think Genma would fall for any Mary-Sue type tricks. Shino was still a no, because, as we all know, Mary-Sue did not do bugs, and she knew for a fact that Smurf wouldn't let Raido become ensnared in her cute little E.M.S.S. type web.

What was it with the damn authoress and showing favoritism? Didn't she know that it was completely unfair? Sheesh!

Mary-Sue once again took out her E.M.S.S. day planner, and jotted down a quick reminder to file an official complaint against Smurf with the Evil Mary Sue Syndicate's Director of Author/ess Mary-Sue Relations, sometime in the near future. Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, it wouldn't help her in the least, because the strange little authoress had no intention of listening to the E.M.S.S. or the demands of its directors. She was the one with all the freaky author powers, not them. And if they tried to make her do what they wanted, she would turn tattler, tell Dead Uchiha on them, and wait to see just how long they lasted before giving up.

All hail the miracle that is the wrath of fans!

But I digress. So back to the fic, and our stressed out Mary-Sue.

The dark haired, dark eyed, flawless- except for the fact that she was pure evil- girl continued to walk the streets, alleys, training fields, trails, and other areas of the leaf village, a heavy sigh escaping her lips every so often as she did so. She was about to give up, and call it a day when she noticed someone up ahead; a dark haired someone. A dark haired someone who, even from the back, sent her Mary-Sue senses to tingling. But, who was he? Surely she would have noticed him during her last (failed) mission in the Naruto fandom.

Now, if there was one thing our May-Sue couldn't resist, it was a mysterious ninja with a high attraction factor. And lets face it, if this stranger could set off her freaky Mary-Sue powers of hottie detection then he certainly fit that particular bill.

A smirk, ten times as devious as the most deviously smirked smirk ever smirked before in the history of all Mary-Sue's, settled itself on her face, and she began to approach the mystery-nin with all the grace and expertise of an expert stalker.

If the Naruto-verse fan-girls could only take lessons from her they would be able to corner their prey every time, such was her skill.

Once she had gotten less than five feet away Mary-Sue noticed that the dark mysterious shinobi was, in fact, drawing something in what looked to be a sketchbook.

_'He's an artist too!'_ she thought excitedly to herself. Artists were listed in the Official Mary Sue Handbook as being second only to angsty fandom bishonen with attitudes, those who embodied all of those qualities were considered to be the ultimate prey.

Quickly, Mary-Sue pulled out a small pocket sized book that she had picked up at the Konoha Used Bookstore the previous day after her disastrous attempt to claim Naruto and the kitsune he carried inside him like some sort of a demon squatter. The book was entitled Top Ten Ways To Snag An Artistic Shinobi. The author was someone or other, Mary-Sue couldn't rightly make it out as the cover was a little more than just a bit worn and that was the only place that displayed the name, but that didn't matter in the least.

Ah, that bookstore, it just couldn't receive enough praise for being the most up-to-date and comprehensive source of all information any Mary-Sue could ever need.

Nodding to herself, pleased with what she had learned, Mary-Sue snapped the book shut, and redeposited it in her pocket where it would remain safe, just incase she needed it for future reference.

Mary-Sue put on her very best innocently curious look- a technique she had learned from the book- and walked up to the dark haired boy casually… well as casually as an evil Mary-Sue bent on claiming a new victim could walk up to their intended target that is.

"What's that?" she asked, a sweet smile playing across her features.

The boy didn't answer. He simply watched her out of the corner of his eye, and briefly stopped working on his picture.

Unperturbed by the lack of response Mary-Sue continued. "You don't talk much do you? But you have a sweet side, I can tell. Yup! You have an artists soul." Okay, maybe that was pouring it on a little thick, but hey, desperate times and all of that rot.

This time the boy actually deigned to respond, "If you were a Kunoichi, I'd have hit you by now." And it was true. He wasn't however about to attack a civilian- no matter how creepy- it would mean breaking a rather important law, which clearly stated that a shinobi never attacked a civilian from his or her own village… unless, of course, it was a part of a mission. But unfortunately he already had a mission, and making the brunette female go away wasn't it.

"I don't think you would," as a matter of fact, she knew he wouldn't. It was against union rules. "Besides, I only wanted to see what you were drawing."

The boy made a small non-committal noise that could have meant anything from "Oh, I see," to "What the hell you crazy woman, get away from me," or even, "I like purple bunnies; yay!"

Still undeterred, Mary-Sue pressed on. "Oh! I see; it's an abstract! I love abstracts." She didn't really, Mary-Sue much preferred realism. Abstracts made her head hurt as she tried to figure out exactly what they were supposed to be abstracts of. "What are you going to call it?"

"Call it?" He really had no idea what he was doing talking to this strange girl… Hadn't he already gone through this conversation with that pink haired 'teammate' of his?

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "Don't artists usually name their work? Normally it's something that reflects the emotion behind the painting; you know, what the artist was feeling when they drew it."

Okay… so the strange sort of dejavu continued.

"… I don't name them…" slowly, his piece of charcoal began to move across the paper once more, "I can't, because I don't feel anything."

Mary-Sue blinked. He didn't feel anything? Well she had heard rumors about fictional characters that were presumed to be emotionless, cold hearted, unfeeling, bastards… but she never really believed it. Everyone had feelings. She was willing to bet that his simply resided somewhere very deep down… like in his right baby toe… or someplace equally as useless, all she had to do was find them.

How hard could that possibly be?

Okay, so she had approached him, asked him about his art, and did everything the book had said except… Oh well, it was worth a shot.

"How would you feel about drawing me?" she asked.

Hadn't he already explained that he felt nothing? He had no emotions… he was basically apathetic towards everything… well, no… maybe apathetic was too strong of a word. It described how one felt about something- or didn't feel- after all, and he did not feel!

Instead, the boy closed his sketchbook, put his charcoal away, and looked at the girl before saying, "I don't," and walking away, leaving behind a sputtering, and utterly confused Mary-Sue.

After a few minutes of gaping, Mary-Sue let out a verbalization that wasn't really- in fact it was more of a growl- and stomped her foot in abject disbelief.

Had he just… resisted her? Nobody resisted her! Well okay, so that lazy Nara kid had, but that was only because he was too lazy to bother with being Mary-Sued, for lack of a better term, and she was absolutely positive that he was in dire need of glasses- with a very high prescription.

Muttering under her breath about the stupidity of dark-haired, artistic, Konoha shinobi and their lack of good sense, taste, and whatever else she could think of, Mary-Sue vowed revenge upon him (even though she really had no idea as to how she was going to achieve that goal), and plopped into a sitting position on the grass only to feel the corner of something jab her in the hip. Shifting her weight she pulled the offending object out of her pocket and glared at it.

It was of course the book she had been so confident in before. She knew there had to be a reason that it had been in the discount bin. Growling once more she hurdled said book at a tree some distance away, and promised to find out who had written that particular piece of literary trash, and wreak her Mary-Sue type vengeance upon him (or her) as well.

She also made a little note in her E.M.S.S. day planner to never buy from the discount bin ever again!

Why did life have to be so hard on our poor Mary-Sue? Why? Did the fan fiction gods hate her that much?

Well, maybe they did and maybe they didn't… or maybe it was simply the will of a mightily miffed authoress who had finally escaped from her worst nightmare of muzak recordings of boy bands, and smooth peanut butter.

I guess we'll never know.

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**Here ends Chapter two.**

Please review it… I'll give you cookies.

_Hugs!  
Smurf_


	4. Chapter 3: In Which There Is No Point

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro.

**Dedication:** This chapter is for no one, as it is completely stupid and useless.

**Note:** This isn't a real chapter! It is mindless filler, and pure idiocy, and I'm sorry that I ever submitted to my muses long enough to create such an atrocity.

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**_Chapter 3: In Which There Is No Point… And For That I Apologize_**

It had come to the attention of the citizenry of Konoha that Mary-Sue was not an equal opportunity character. She disregarded all non-ninjas, which wasn't fair, and she also avoided an entire group of cannon characters that were, in fact, ninjas. These characters were deeply disappointed, and more than a little hurt that no author had felt the need to let a Mary-Sue loose on them.

It just wasn't fair!

They were all perfectly valid characters, involved in the tapestry of storytelling that created Kishimoto-sama's Naruto-verse. They deserved recognition! Damn it, they deserved to get Mary-Sued-even if it was just once in their existence.

But how would they achieve that goal?

Well, first things first, they needed to organize. That was easy enough; they would use the staff room at the Konoha Ninja Academy to hold meetings, thusly forming a support group for those characters that couldn't seem to rate even the poorest excuse of a Mary-Sue attempt. Simple.

Then they would need a leader… but whom? Who would be the perfect man for the job? Again, that problem was quite easily solved. The answer was practically doing a naked hula right in front of their noses, while singing Yankee Doodle, and balancing a book on its metaphorical head.

There was only one shinobi in Konoha qualified to lead their little group. Ebisu! Yes, Ebisu; it was almost as if he had been tailor made for the job. As Rodney Dangerfield might have observed in one of his stand up routines- he never got any respect.

A schedule was made up, after everyone agreeing that they would meet every third Thursday of the month, and the C.C.F.A.E.O.M.S.F. (Cannon Characters For An Equal Opportunity Mary Sue Fandom) was formed.

Now all they had to do was worm their way into the minds of the various writers in the fandom, and take control of their subconscious, thusly forcing the poor authors to create works of fiction in which they could become thoroughly Mary-Sued.

Hey, it could happen.

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**Here ends Chapter Three. **

Don't hit me; I bruise easy... and I said I was sorry!


	5. Chapter 4: In Which Recycling Is Key

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize, this is a work of fan fiction meaning no money has been exchanged.

**Dedication:** This chapter is for... all of the people who actually read this thing.

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**_Chapter 4: In Which Recycling Is Key_**

Mary-Sue was cranky. No, scratch that; Mary-Sue was very cranky. She had been in the Naruto-verse for two weeks and she had yet to fulfill her mission objective of turning a popular fandom character into a possession to be used by the E.M.S.S. in their attempt to take over the many fan sites, fictions, and forums the world over.

Still, she had time; enough, in fact, to do some serious Mary-Sue type damage to the fandom. And that was exactly what she would do- provided of course that her latest scheme worked, which it undoubtedly would for she was Mary-Sue; she was a forced to be reckoned with. She was unstoppable!

Cradling an amber colored bottle, the crazed character smirked to herself, and headed off in search of a certain dark haired, ink wielding nin. Oh, yes in deed, he was going to feel her wrath. A week or so knocked unconscious, and locked inside her bedroom closet seemed to be a fitting punishment.

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!" her laughter once again rang throughout the fandom, like a shot, announcing her presence to all, leaving each and every last bishounen to cower in fear. The laughter also served as an alarm bell to picky readers, and various other people the fandom over.

Meanwhile in the Hokage's office, a certain big breasted blonde woman, was looking at a similarly fair haired, tailed, cat eared girl for the second time in too short of a while for either's liking.

"So, I am getting paid for this right?" asked the neko. "Because, last time, I wasn't compensated."

Tsunade blinked, she hadn't been planning on paying the cat-girl; she only had ryo's after all, and Konoha currency wasn't good anywhere outside the Naruto-verse. So instead she shot a questioning glance to the authoress, who in turn gave the two women a what-the-hell-are-you-looking-at-me-for type look, before scrolling up the page and pointing out the disclaimer (which clearly stated that this work was non-profit), and got back to her previous activities, including coffee guzzling, Oreo binging, and attempting to figure out where the heck her final chapter for Attraction To A Hufflepuff had gone, it had been on her computer a few moments ago.

Stupid frigging computers!

The two blond fictional characters sweat-dropped as Smurf continued to graphically threaten her computer, and got back to the business at hand. Soon a contract was signed, and Jamesie, had agreed to remove her wayward sibling from Konoha as soon as humanly- or was that felinely- possible.

Elsewhere in Konoha, Mary-Sue's newest plan had already been set into action. She had arranged it so that Sai- or that emotionless bastard, for those of you who need a more descriptive reference- would be busy and unable to meet with his 'team' as he was supposed to.

Once more she thanked her fellow Mary-Sue from the Harry Potter fandom, for shipping her some more of that knock out potion.

She arrived at the meeting spot at the exact same time as Naruto, and smiled a bright cheery smile, "Sai is sick. I'm replacing him."

Okay, okay, so the plan wasn't very original, but it had very nearly worked the other time she had used it. And this time, there would be no bug boy or dumb mutt to stand in her way. Besides, recycling was supposed to be a good thing, wasn't it?

Their mission was a rather simple one, and it wouldn't take too long, a day, three tops. That wasn't much time to work with, but it was still better than nothing. And if she, the great Mary-Sue, could succeed then she would be able to retire knowing that she had done her duty.

"What's your name?" Naruto asked, squinting slightly as he looked at her. He couldn't help it, he was certain that he had seen her before… he just couldn't quite place where.

Standing not to far away from them, Sakura was having a similar problem. It was like there was a gaping hole in her memory; she knew that there was something strangely familiar about the young woman smiling prettily at her interim team leader, and her blonde teammate, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

And the freaky Mary-Sue powers strike yet again!

"I'm M-" well she couldn't very well tell them that her name was Mary-Sue, not after that incident with Naruto in the first chapter. So she thought up a quick lie, "My name's Midori." She forwent the family name. It wasn't important.

Naruto nodded, accepting her identity as such, and the group headed off to fulfill their ninja duties for the day.

They came across some opposition, all of which Mary-Sue managed to live through by employing some more of her freaky E.M.S.S super powers. However, they had been delayed just long enough for them to need to set up camp- only not really, because there was absolutely no way that using Moukuton Shichuuika No Jutsu could ever be considered camping.

Why the hell hadn't that jutsu been used the last time she went along on a mission! It was a damn neat little trick. And she wouldn't have had to worry about getting mud in all sorts of places she had never known existed.

Jamesie sighed, armed yet again with that funny little book that Smurf had written (and illustrated) during her coffee break at work almost a year ago, and a supply of Oreo's (didn't Smurf realize that not even fictional characters could survive on nothing other than Oreo's no matter how long said authoress wished it was so), she was off to hunt down her errant sister and this time she would make certain that the girl stayed out of Konoha for good.

How was she going to achieve that goal you ask? Well, she had simply asked Shino to talk to some of his little insect friends. After all if there was one thing that Mary-Sue's were absolutely adamant about, it was the fact that they did not DO bugs, and our Mary-Sue was no exception to the rule.

Elsewhere, Mary-Sue was about to get what she always wanted- a leaf shinobi of her very own. How cool was that? So, after everyone was more or less situated she went into phase two of her little deception.

Naruto and Sakura were asleep, warm, and cozy in their beds, Mary-Sue (or, Midori, as her companions knew her) was supposed to be resting as well. But in order for her plan to work, she needed to stay awake. Digging through her E.M.S.S. tool kit, she took out a small white bottle and popped the cap open before shaking two small pills loose, and popping them into her mouth. What better way to stay awake than consuming caffeine, in pill form or otherwise?

She could hear Yamato- she would make it a point to learn his real name and everything else about him, past, present, and otherwise, right down to the colour of underwear her liked best, later on- moving about just outside the room she currently occupied. Taking a deep breath she relaxed some, and then went to claim her prize.

Her scheme was a rather simple one at best, but that didn't matter, often times the simple solutions worked the best. She would approach him, and engage him in a conversation, that would last until she fell asleep using him as a pillow. This method was proven to work nearly ninety-eight percent of the time as it caused the victim- erm… subject- to develop tender or protective feelings for the Mary-Sue applying said technique.

This time, everything would go exactly according to plan, she was sure of it.

Jamesie had found neither hide nor hair of her delinquent sister in the three days she had been rummaging around Konoha. Though she had found three IOU's from Smurf saying she would replace the coffee she'd borrowed, a half eaten pizza, a picture of a shirtless Neji, and a drugged Sai. She had almost been tempted to leave him where she had found him, but Smurf and Dead Uchiha (who had been chatting with the blue wonder about that Yondi project mentioned in the serialhugger bio) hadn't allowed it to happen.

Dead, being the Sai fan that she was, had made Smurf actually type it in to the fiction that Jamesie would bring the poor drugged boy to the hospital where he could be treated. And once it had been written it had to be obeyed.

Upon the return of the two remaining members of team seven, their interim leader, and our cleverly disguised- meaning she had given a false name and pretended not to be the incarnation of pure evil- Mary-Sue, everything appeared to be completely normal.

It seemed that the older male had been able to fend the dark haired menace to the fandom off during their mission.

How was that possible you ask?

Naruto had felt the call of nature at a point not to far into their first evening away from Konoha, and as he had been answering it, he had come across his temporary teacher, and Sai's replacement, both of whom were talking about nothing he could quite understand, when it had hit him like a bag full of bricks to the face. He remembered where he had seen her before; she was that Mary-Sue girl; the one who had wanted to do all of those freaky things to him. And he wasted no time in letting the older shinobi know it.

A loud shout of, "She's a Mary-Sue!" had filled the log house, and all of the girl's hopes had been dashed in that instant.

There was however, something unusual about their return. Waiting for them at the date, was Shizune- she had refused to let Tsunade come, as the Hokage was way behind on her paperwork-, Shino, and our favorite cat-girl.

Mary-Sue's eyes widened in horror as she saw the bug-boy; she still remembered what had happened the last time the two of them had crossed paths. Jamesie smirked as she listened to Shizune explain Konoha's new anti-Mary-Sue security system. It consisted of a patrol of insects that would be stationed at all points of entry into the village. They were actually sort of cute, and they had been given really small forehead protectors to wear indicating that they were Konoha Ninja Bugs.

Mary-Sue paled considerably, and backed away when she saw a small insect perch itself on Shino's finger. After staring at the bug master for a few long moments, Mary-Sue did an about face and ran- not walked- away from the village that had been the source of so many good looking shinobi for her to torment.

It was thusly that Mary-Sue, and the E.M.S.S. lost their foothold in Konoha, the villagers were once again able to live without the threat of evil Mary-Sue's, and Jamesie was free to return to her yaoi doujinshi filled corner of Smurf's mind.

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**Here ends the fourth chapter.**

I told you recycling was key.LOL.  
Please, review.

_Hugs and Oreos!  
Smurf_


	6. Chapter 5: In Which Ebisu Is Informed O

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize.

**Dedication:** This fic is for a plot bunny (who was more bunny than plot) that Dead Uchiha let loose on me.

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**_Chapter 5: In Which Ebisu Is Informed Of His New Position_**

Ebisu pushed his glasses back into place, so that they were resting higher on the bridge of his nose. He had no clue why his fellow nin's had decided to- for lack of a better word- kidnap him, and tie him to a chair… a rickety old wooden chair, that looked as if it could break at any moment. And to add further insult to injury- not that they had injured him… unless you counted the bruise on his forearm where Tazuna had grabbed him- it was all of that pent up sexual frustration, Ebisu was positive on that fact (of course Ebisu would know all about pent up sexual frustration, though if anyone asks you didn't get that information here!)- they hadn't even tied him properly! He was still able to move enough that he could adjust his glasses for goodness sake!

Yes, Tazuna definitely needed to get shagged.

Still, Tazuna's sex life- or lack there of- isn't the point of this installment, so we will be moving on, because the real reason this chapter exists is to further explore the latest organization to have sprung from Smurf's funny little brain.

Now, the C.C.F.A.E.O.M.S.F. had decided on both their name, and their director; that much could be surmised by the last filler chapter posted for this particular work of fan fiction. However, no one had thought to inform Ebisu that he had been voted their leader, which he had been, for obvious reasons. Those reasons chiefly being that he managed to pull fewer girls than most of the lesser known Naruto characters- both manga and anime specific- put together.

So, when the first meeting had begun and their leader wasn't there, the group did what any other pack of self-respecting shinobi would do; they hunted him down like a dog- not meaning any offence to the Inuzuka clan, as they proceeded to track the tutor. When they finally came across him he was sitting by a stream, fishing pole in hand, resting his back against a conveniently placed tree.

It was nice of the landscape to be so accommodating, wasn't it?

The Jounin was obviously very relaxed, and so he wasn't readily expecting an ambush. Really, even if one is a ninja, one can't go around expecting to be ambushed all of the time. That my friends would be giving into paranoia. So it was understandable that Ebisu had been taken by surprise, which is the only reason he was currently sitting tied to a chair- a rickety old chair, at that- in a room filled with lesser known, or unpopular nin's the fandom over. And he did not scream like a little girl, thank you very much, no matter what the others said; it had been a manly shriek damn it!

Manly!

And what the hell was the C.C.F.A.E.O.M.S.F. anyway?

Poor, poor Ebisu; the closet pervert just cant seem to catch a break.

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**Here ends some more filler. Please forgive me.**

Did anyone out there get my little joke? If you did, let me know, I'd like to see just how many people understood it. (See grandma, I do remember somethings!)

_Hugs & Oreos!  
Smurf_


	7. Chapter 6: In Which Yet Another Weakness

**Disclaimer:** Dont own it, don't want to, don't sue me.

**Note: **Beware the stupidity. Not the greatest chapter, but it had to be done. This was written mostly to get through a nasty block of the writer's kind.

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**_Chapter 6; In Which Yet Another Weakness Is Found_**

It was amazing the things a well-trained Mary-Sue could do. Simply astounding really when one took the time to think about it. They just seemed to ingrain themselves into whatever fandom it was that they had been set loose upon, needing no explanation- unless of course they were feeling very generous- or anything else for that matter. Perhaps this explains how our little Mary-Sue found herself in Sound, as a fully accredited kunoichi of a rather high level. The real kicker was that nobody bothered to ask any questions; they just seemed to blindly accept her as part and parcel of the story line- what ever that might be at the moment- thusly giving the deranged character full access to any of their ranks deemed worthy of an E.M.S.S. attack.

So, for the past week or so, Mary-Sue had been working up a list of possible candidates, consulting her handbook about the Do's and Don'ts of Mary-Sueism (Even Evil Mary-Sue's need to brush up their skills every once in a while), and coming up with the perfect strategy. Not that she needed to try… coming up with strategies was what Mar-Sue's did best. Who cared that all of her previous attempts had failed? That didn't mean anything, because there had been circumstances. Unfair ones. None of the other Mary-Sue's had to put up with bothersome siblings, and vindictive authoresses.

Once again, Mary-Sue found herself pondering the affection- or lack thereof- that the gods of fan fiction held out for her. While she was pondering this most ponderous of questions, she found herself pacing. Soon, the pacing turned in to walking, although if you were to study her movements it was really more of a march than a walk due to the almost stomping nature of her steps.

It is now, dear readers that the real fun begins. For you see, Mary-Sue's are a phenomena of the fan fic universe, they are sneaky, manipulative, strong, resilient, and a good many other things as well, however, they do have their weaknesses. As we have learned in previous chapters insects are one such weakness, in fact, Mary-Sue's are so badly disgusted by the creepy crawly things that they carry extra strength raid in their official Mary-Sue tool kits (although for some bizarre reason it doesn't work on ninja bugs.). But, all Mary-Sue's have at least one other weakness. For some it is an addiction, like coffee in the morning, or sugary foods, while for others it is some facet of their creator's personality; some fetish or quirk unique to the writer that spawned them.

Some of you may be wondering why this chapter starts off by explaining about Mary-Sue's and their weaknesses. There is a reason for it, there always is, you just have to wait and see, for like so many things the answer comes in time.

As Mary-Sue continued to walk- or stomp if you're being picky- around the village she was distracted by something not too far off in the distance. It was just a quick flash really, as if some one were directing the sunlight into her eyes in order to temporarily blind her, however she dismissed that thought, she hadn't done anything to warrant an anti-Mary-Sue attack… yet. It had probably been something stupid, like the sun's reflection off of a window.

Grumbling about the idiocy of windows, and reflections, and the sun, and the combined effect of all three, Mary-Sue continued on her merry way, never knowing the danger that she was about to find herself in.

The following day Mary-Sue was standing in a random dark corner, watching as Orochimaru went through his normal daily routine. Said routine included bossing about his minions, acting like a creepy pedophile, and plotting- usually against Konoha, though there was that one time he had ranted on and on about superstores and how they must meet their end. Today however, there were no tirades about faceless conglomerates, or the weather (more specifically, how the sun was out to get him, by ruining his perfectly flawless white skin with sunburns). Today, Orochimaru had more important things on his mind. He wanted to know where Kabuto was, and he wanted to know yesterday.

Usually the silver haired medic could be found at Orochimaru's side, much like a growth, or a loyal little puppy. However, such was not the case on this day. Now, if one took the time to notice, it became painfully clear, that the legendary snake Sennin depended on the much younger male in much the same way as a toddler depended on their mommy, so the fact that the young man wasn't present was the cause of much whining on the part of the snake man, and much suffering on the part of his underlings.

Have you ever listened to your 'fearless leader' turn into a sniveling baby? It isn't much fun.

Luckily though, the medic was found, and the incessant whining came to an end. It was then that Mary-Sue's troubles began. You see, Kabuto happened to possess a certain quality that acted a lot like catnip would if, that is, Mary-Sue had been a cat.

Kabuto wore glasses.

Kabuto wore glasses, and they weren't just any glasses. No. Kabuto's glasses were special. They seemed to have a strange aphrodisiac-like power. His glasses were- and there is simply no other way to say this- sexy.

Yes, that's right, S-E-X-Y. Sexy. Kabuto's glasses were, in fact, so hot that Mary-Sue briefly considered begging her creator to write an entire fic about them. After all, if Kankuro could have a fic based upon of the awesomeness of his hands, then surely Kabuto deserved one based solely on the lusty charm of his glasses.

Mary-Sue couldn't help but drool ever so slightly as the owner of the all powerful lust inducing glasses pushed them higher upon the bridge of his nose, making them sit even more perfectly than they had but mere moments before. It was simply awe-inspiring. Plots on how to make them her's began to form in her twisted little mind.

Somewhere, at the very back of her mind a voice was screaming, _'Nooooooooooooooo! Don't give in to the lusty badness! Fight it! For the love of Kami-sama, fight!'_ However, Mary-Sue couldn't bring herself to listen to it. She probably should have though, for if bugs was the weakness common to all Mary-Sue's, then glasses, was the weakness unique to this particular E.M.S.S. agent.

Damn Smurf and her fascination with eyeglasses!

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily (depending on who's point of view you take), Mary-Sue's attempts to win over the wearer of the sexy specs were all in vain as we all know that Kabuto is gay, and head over heels in lust with his Orochimaru-sama. At least that's what Smurf chose to write in order to save those beautiful, sexy, oh so hot glasses from the clutches of the E.M.S.S.

Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, she found herself once again baseless, and the E.M.S.S. was forced to do without Kabuto's glasses, and all the Lusty Badness they possessed. This was, of course, due to the fact that Smurf had forced a random character, with no name, no title, and no defining characteristics of any sort tell the possessive Sennin about the dark haired menace and her plan to steal Kabuto and his yummy glasses away for her own private and more than likely nefarious use.

Who knew that Orochimaru had it in him to out evil the Evil Mary Sue Syndicate?

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Guh! Once again I beg forgivness for this bit of idiocy. It will get better soon... I hope.

Review and yell at me if you want.

Hugs and Oreos!  
The writer who is too ashamed of this chapter to sign her nickname to it.


	8. Chapter 7: In Which StarTrek Is Feature

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro. If you have any information on how she can achieve that goal (short of torturing Kishimoto-sama into submission) please let us know!

**Dedication:** This fic is for Dead Uchiha, and BlackMageRose13.

**Summary:** A piece of crack fiction, which sequels From the Floppy Called Subversive, and prequels An End To The Subversive Floppy's. Includes, implied shonen-ai, and several staples of bad fiction. This is a parody, and as such it makes fun of fandom quirks, like Mary-Sue's.

**A/N:** I know this has taken a while, and it isn't long, or all that great... however, there is still the epilogue and the Bonus feature to come.

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**Chapter Seven: In Which Star-Trek is featured!**

It had seemed, for quite a while now actually, that the Naruto-verse was safe from Smurf and her escaped Mary-Sue. However, nothing lasts forever (Why is it that those old sayings- no matter how annoying- always seem to ring true?), and the author's wayward imagination was once more set loose upon the fandom.

Mary-Sue smirked a smirk so smirky that it put all of her previous smirks to shame (she has a habit of smirking progressively smirkier smirks, doesn't she?), and began to put her latest plan into action. She hadn't been idol while Smurf had been angsting over writers block. No, far from it; while the author had been consuming mass quantities of Oreo cookies, downing whole pots of coffee, playing video games, watching star-trek reruns, and reading enough manga's to make even the most obsessed fan's eyes hurt, she had been scheming. Scheming was, after all, a part of the Evil Mary-Sue job description.

Now that this installment has become thoroughly confusing, lets get to the actual plot- if you can even call it that.

Mary-Sue had come upon her latest victim as he was settling down to watch the star-trek on the space station.

Why star-trek you ask? Because the author likes the original episodes (complete with pause acting, and blue eye-shadow), so it only made sense that it popped up in this fic as it had several times in From the Floppy Called Subversive. Besides, watching Star-Trek is a good way to wind down after a long day of assassinations, kidnappings, thieving, and doing other nefarious deeds.

Itachi was watching the opening credits when Mary-Sue appeared carrying a bowl of popcorn. The obviously non-cannon character sat down and proceeded to share her popcorn with the S-ranked criminal who was better known as Sasuke's big brother.

Itachi looked her over carefully. He didn't want to wind up the victim of a random Mary-Sue attack. Those seemed to be happening at an alarming rate over the past few months… although; things had quieted down for a couple of weeks…

Mary-Sue caught on to Itachi's unease immediately, smart girl that she was she thought up a comforting lie, and like the Grinch she thought it up quick.

"You don't have to worry, Itachi-sama, I'm not a Mary-Sue," it would be wise for those of you reading this to note that Mary-Sue has her fingers crossed while she's saying this.

Itachi, who was still unconvinced, raised his perfect eyebrow, while he popped a piece of perfectly popped popcorn into his perfect mouth. Because as we all know, Itachi- at least in the minds of all his hundreds upon hundreds of fan girl's-, is perfect, and as such deserves only the very best.

Realizing that if she didn't convince her intended victim- erm love interest! She meant to say love interest- that she wasn't a Mary-Sue, that she would no doubt loose him, and sully her reputation as a top agent of the E.M.S.S. (Again!) she continued on with her lie, choosing to use on that had worked for her in the past… sort of.

"No! Really, I'm not! I'm Uchiha Mary-Sue, and-"

Upon hearing this Itachi did what any self-respecting S-ranked criminal, who had decimated his entire clan (with the exception of his little brother), and had a whole heap of really cool fire based jutsu's at his command would do; he barbequed her evil ass.

And then Mary-Sue was no more…

Or was she?

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**Here ends this chapter... flame if you must.**

_Hugs& Oreos  
Smurf_


	9. Chapter 9: An Epilogue In Keeping With T

**Warning: **In the grand tradition of epilogues written by Smurf, this one contains inside joke after inside joke, probably makes little sense, features a fellow fic writer known to many as Dead Uchiha, and some dead characters. It isn't important to the plot, its just there because it makes the three apple high wonder giggle slightly. Enjoy! 

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro. If you have any information on how she can achieve that goal (short of torturing Kishimoto-sama into submission) please let us know!

**Summary:** A piece of crack fiction, which sequels From the Floppy Called Subversive, and prequels An End To The Subversive Floppy's. Includes several staples of bad fiction. This is a parody, and as such it makes fun of fandom quirks, like Mary-Sue's.

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_**An Epilogue In Keeping With The Last One I Wrote**_

Dead Uchiha glared at her computer screen, and grumbled threats whilst her dead relatives, attempted to calm her down.

"C'mon, you can't be that mad," Obito patted his slightly insane relatives on the back.

"She said that there were going to be three Mary-Sue stories. THREE! Not two; three!" the dead girl wailed. "But she killed off Mary-Sue, and now there won't be anymore stupidity! I don't want to live anymore!"

Shisui rolled his eyes, "You're dead, dumb ass; you already aren't living!" he then mumbled something that could have been anything from "Mary-Sue is coming to play" to "I want stew for dinner today" before heading off to play video games (He would have headed to his closet, however it was in need of a good cleaning).

Obito offered the dead girl a grin, "I'm sure Mary-Sue will be back somehow. After all, she is a Mary-Sue. They're harder to kill than cockroaches!"

The girl sniffled, and looked up at the one-eyed Uchiha, "Do you really think so?"

Before Obito could answer a chat window popped up on Dead Uchiha's screen. It read:

_**Smurf-chan says:** Sheeee's Baaaaaaack! _

**Fin!**


	10. Chapter 10: An Authors Note That Isn’t…

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro. If you have any information on how she can achieve that goal (short of torturing Kishimoto-sama into submission) please let us know!

**Summary:** A piece of crack fiction, which sequels From the Floppy Called Subversive, and prequels An End To The Subversive Floppy's. Includes several staples of bad fiction. This is a parody, and as such it makes fun of fandom quirks, like Mary-Sue's.

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**An Authors Note That Isn't… Just Like The Last One!**

Smurf stood once again at her little podium, and looked out at the various readers, reviewers, characters, etc. that had chosen to attend her little post fic wrap up.

"Hello, I would like to welcome you all to my second Author's Note that isn't," she paused for a moment and frowned. "Orochimaru- you creepy old man- stop molesting Kabuto's glasses! That's my job!" Realizing that she had said that last bit out loud she gave a nervous sort of laugh before clearing her throat to continue. "Erm- as I was saying… I would like to thank all of you who read this, especially those who reviewed. At the same time I would like to apologize for the fact that this installment was nowhere near as good as From the Floppy Called Subversive. Don't worry though; the third part of this trilogy will make up for it… I hope."

This time there was a long pause. There was something else she was supposed to say… she just couldn't remember what it was at the moment. Thankfully though, she didn't have to.

"We'd also like to ask you to continue on to the Bonus Feature, which should be up sometime tomorrow." Said Sakura, before hopping down off the stage to join the other guests.

"Uh, right! What she said!" Smurf smiled cheerfully, waved, and then jumped off of the stage in order to protect Kabuto's precious glasses from Orochimaru.

Thusly the second party celebrating the end of a serialhugger Mary-Sue fic began.


	11. Chapter 11: Bonus Feature

**Disclaimer:** Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize. Since Smurf is a serialhugger, she wants you all to know that she doesn't own them either… but she would really, really like to own Kankuro. If you have any information on how she can achieve that goal (short of torturing Kishimoto-sama into submission) please let us know!

**Summary:** A piece of crack fiction, which sequels From the Floppy Called Subversive, and prequels An End To The Subversive Floppy's. Includes several staples of bad fiction. This is a parody, and as such it makes fun of fandom quirks, like Mary-Sue's.

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_**Mary-Sue Barbeque**_

The thing about Itachi was, he wasn't a wasteful person. And so, now that he had a dead Mary-Sue of the Uchiha (or so she had said) variety on his hands, he had to do something with the body. He could have buried it, true, but he hadn't taken the time out to burry any of his other relatives, so why bother giving her special treatment?

He could burn her body… but she was already crispy, and what was the fun in reburning something- or someone- that was already burnt beyond recognition?

Then a thought struck him. He was a member of Akatsuki. Akatsuki had many other members, members like Zetsu, who ate people. It was perfect. He'd just go and make up a few other dishes for the non-people-eating nin's, and they could have a barbeque. It had been a while since he had last experienced one of those.

Some hours later, after all was said and done, the food was eaten, and the sun was hanging low in the sky, Zetsu turned to the Uchiha, and said, "You know, Mary-Sue's taste an awful lot like poplar bark," before turning to look at Tobi, who was asking him some question or other.

But, exactly when, why, and how Zetsu had become an expert on the taste of bark is a story for another day, and to tell the truth, Itachi, who was not a wasteful person, didn't really care to waste his time hearing it.

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Yeah, I am fully aware that this fic is nowhere near my usual personal standards. But as I said, this is a trilogy so just bare with me, and I promise to make the next one better.

Hugs and Oreos.


End file.
